I made a quick road trip to Vegas this weekend. You know those times where you just need to clear your head and there’s no better way to do it than in a city drenched in cigarette smoke? I found a little oasis of calm in the Aria Hotel and Casino and picked up a couple tips along the way.
- If two smokin’ hot guys are caressing each other in the elevator you probably don’t have a chance.
- Do not be in any state of naked until you figure out the remote control blackout curtains.
- The shorter the dress the quicker the drink.
- Nice gets you fancy corner rooms. So does rich. I have nice though.
- If someone has stayed at the hotel with your same name charge everything to their account. And open all the almonds.
- If you head back to the ATM twice it is bedtime you little addict.
- The person playing next to you is not flirting. You’re old. They are polite and feel sorry for you.
- There’s nothing sexier than a good hotel shower. Not even a McDonald’s large order of fries. That’s a big statement but I’m willing to stand by it. Until I eat fries.
- Leave after the Royal Flush.
- Always have sunglasses with you. Clearly for paparazzi but mostly for the sun daggering into your eyeballs at 97mph in the slow lane on the trip home. I picked up a pair at the outlets with the requisite 100% UV protection sticker. Protection from what? Heartache? The Recession? Ponzie schemes?
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