Ten Things I Learned in Vegas

I made a quick road trip to Vegas this weekend.  You know those times where you just need to clear your head and there’s no better way to do it than in a city drenched in cigarette smoke?  I found a little oasis of calm in the Aria Hotel and Casino and picked up a couple tips along the way.

1. If two smokin’ hot guys are caressing each other in the elevator you probably don’t have a chance.
2. Do not be in any state of naked until you figure out the remote control blackout curtains.
3. The shorter the dress the quicker the drink.
4. Nice gets you fancy corner rooms.  So does rich.  I have nice though.
5. If someone has stayed at the hotel with your same name charge everything to their account.  And open all the almonds.
6. If you head back to the ATM twice it is bedtime you little addict.
7. The person playing next to you is not flirting. You’re old. They are polite and feel sorry for you.
8. There’s nothing sexier than a good hotel shower.  Not even a McDonald’s large order of fries.  That’s a big statement but I’m willing to stand by it.  Until I eat fries.
9. Leave after the Royal Flush.
10. Always have sunglasses with you.  Clearly for paparazzi but mostly for the sun daggering into your eyeballs at 97mph in the slow lane on the trip home. I picked up a pair at the outlets with the requisite 100% UV protection sticker.  Protection from what? Heartache? The Recession? Ponzie schemes?

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