My Mother Wears Army Boots

The Ethical Edge
The Art of Integrity
MY MOTHER WEARS ARMY BOOTS

GREG ARBUES
CEO
Client Advocate Network

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.
Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise.
That it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
Ephesians 6:1-3

When Russ Williams approached me at the end of 2012 about writing an article for the 2013 Ethical Edge Art of Integrity newsletter series, I did not hesitate.  While I did not know when my week was nor did I know who I would write about, I knew it would be the right message at the right time.  I understand now that it is no accident that my week is situated between Mothers’ Day and Memorial Day and that this article would come just a week after visiting my mom in Hawaii who is now fighting an uphill battle with cancer.

Like most of you…my readers…I have a special place in my heart for my mom.

She is the oldest of 9 brothers and sisters.  She was a surrogate parent to my aunts and uncles.  She helped raise and discipline all of them.  To this day, they attribute who they are to her.

She has been a faithful wife to my dad (a military man) for over 55 years.  My dad was in the Navy for half of their married life.  My dad was at sea 6 months out of 12 and when he was home, he would work part time jobs so my mom could stay home.  This meant my mom raised me and served as both nurturer and disciplinarian.

Mom was a good mother to me and my younger brother who was born with cerebral palsy.  Most of her time was spent caring for my brother while teaching me to be self-sufficient and how to be a household helper.  She taught me how to cook, clean, iron, do laundry, pay bills, do grocery shopping and how to serve others.  All these life skills have proven to be of value to me in my life.

It wasn’t until a little less than two weeks ago when I was sitting by her bedside as she lay struggling with the after-effects of radiation treatments that it became very clear to me the great influence she has had on my life.  I am living the life of a good, faithful servant because she has been that for me since my birth.  And while I prepare myself emotionally to say good bye to her sooner rather than later, I know her legacy will live on in me as well as those I serve in my life.

This Memorial Day, as we remember those in uniform who gave their lives to fight for and defend us, let us also remember the military wives and mothers who stay to fight for and defend the home front.

Thank you mom…for everything…I love you.

Greg Arbues can be contacted at garbues@clientadvocatenetwork.com

Be Brave

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BE BRAVE

MICHAEL McCANN
CEO & President
HeartSmartIMT

“Life happens at the level of events. Trust movement.”
Alfred Adler

In our age of “credentialed experts” we often miss the lessons we can learn from the wisdom of our elders who may have led a more simple life by today’s standards.

When I met Emile, he was already 76-years-old and had been battling cancer for over three years.  Although he would only live another year and a half, he continues to be a guiding influence in my life to this day.

Emile, orphaned at a young age, had become a rodeo cowboy in the 1930s competing in steer roping, wild cow milking and other events.  When World War II started, although old enough to be exempted, he enlisted in the Army.

Passing through Los Angeles after the war, Emile heard they needed people who could drive four and six horse teams at the movie studios.  That led him to become a stuntman for 25 years – driving teams and being shot out of the saddle as an Indian or villain or unseated in a joust as a knight of old.

Emile’s life as a horseman made him an uncanny judge of people.  You can learn a lot about people by how they “get along” with the horse they are riding.  Most remarkable was his ability to see the capability and limits of his students and push them to the edge of their abilities without endangering them.

Once, he had me schooling what we referred to as the “exploding horse” for its propensity to do wildly unexpected and sometimes dangerous things.  Emile would say, “You have to learn to get along with him.”  Another instructor who was watching began walking away because, as she later said, “I thought you could be killed!”  But because I knew Emile knew my limits even better than I, my trust in him was so complete that I never felt in danger and thoroughly enjoyed the experience.

It was only after he died when I got his service records from the VA to order a plaque for his grave that I really learned of his service to our country.  Emile had said he was a cook in the Quartermaster Corps.  In his record I learned that he served in Bastogne during what became known as the Battle of the Bulge – a battle where cooks fought along with infantrymen in a desperate battle to prevent a German breakthrough of Allied Lines.  Though he never mentioned it, Emile was awarded a Bronze Star, a decoration given for heroism.

Often, I recall, when passing young riders on the trail, Emile would simply say, “Be brave.”  Great advice from one of my life heroes.

Michael McCann can be contacted at mmccann@heartsmartimt.com

More Than a Mentor

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MORE THAN A MENTOR

JEFF ABBOTT
Convene Chair
Executive Coach

“God enters by a private door into every individual.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson  

At age 32 I was hired into Aerochem, Inc., an aerospace company in Orange, CA as QA Manager.  My hodgepodge resume showed military duty, BA degree in Industrial Arts, Toolmaker, Youth Leader, and QA Manager experience.

Gene Langworthy saw potential in me as a technician able to coach others; I was confident of my abilities, but I was amazed anyone else would see it my way.  Gene’s first act as mentor in my life was just that…he believed in me.  He knew I could help him put tomorrow’s team in place.

This “Pygmalion Effect” was powerful in me.  He explained his vision for the company and left me virtually alone. The immediate problems that needed to be solved were relational difficulties with key customers such as Boeing, Lockheed Martin, Grumman, and Rohr Industries.  The common thread to our customer snags: we were temporarily disqualified as suppliers and, as a supplier, we were the core of the problems. What remedy did I use to solve the problems?  I gave the customers what they wanted…problems solved!  These early victories confirmed for Gene that he was right about his hunches.

Gene schooled me in the science of Chemical Milling, a little known technology outside of the aircraft world, which would prove critical in my growth. Chemical Milling was a most complex technology involving  metallurgy, chemical process controls, temperature, and other parameters causing variations in results. It was a study in subtle factors that controlled outcomes.  With time, I grew in knowledge of the process.  As other experts in the business moved on, including Gene himself, it left me as the authority on Chemical Milling within and outside of the company.  He had succeeded in replacing himself as the expert in the company; I was the beneficiary.

Factors making a big difference in my success were my background as a counselor to adolescents, toolmaking and machinist experience and training in metalworking/Industrial Arts.  My outside-the-box view of problem solving and Gene’s customer focused mentoring worked together as a powerful combination, making Aerochem a perfect place for me to thrive.

I often wonder where I would be had Gene Langworthy not come along to see my potential.  In my professional life I like to see qualities in others and give them a chance as well, remembering my own big break.  Often it has paid big dividends, and even to this day, people are still “paying it forward”.   Gene was more than a mentor. He offered God’s counsel in my life.

Jeff Abbott can be contacted at jabbott@convenenow.com

Kids and Public Safety Heroes – A Magical Combination!

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Kids and Public Safety Heroes – A Magical Combination!

Julie Hudash
Founder/CEO
Team Kids, Inc.

I am blessed to have a treasured list of personal mentors and heroes who commit to protect and empower children. One man, OC Fire Captain Steve McHale, deserves a neon highlighter for teaching me that we adults, even fire captains, have a lot to learn about life from our youngest citizens.

I was preparing for our first Team Kids Program in 2001 when I read a news story about two Fire Captains working to save the life of a 3 year-old boy.  Jeremy was coding weekly as he struggled with an extremely rare heart defect.  I shared the story with our founding elementary school leaders who were participating in the month-long Team Kids Challenge service program.  After a short discussion they stated confidently that they would raise money to fly Jeremy to Minnesota’s Mayo Clinic and save his life.  Their innocent declaration had me a bit concerned and I worried about how to handle their disappointment if they fell short of their goal.  Luckily for Jeremy the word impossible had not yet been written into the book of life of these passionate kids.

Many doubted this unlikely team of lifesaving heroes, and none more than Captain Steve.  My enthusiastic call to Station 6 was met with an attitude of  “how are kids going to help me?”  By the end of the call, however, Captain Steve decided to give the kids a chance.  Soon, we brought Jeremy to our kickoff assembly.  Despite an admitted fear of public speaking, Captain Steve got on stage to congratulate the students for joining efforts to save Jeremy’s life. Then, he asked if he and his fire crew could be on their team. I watched as a second grade boy instantly sat up straight and squealed, “he’s on our team!”

The students decided to host a youth-led pancake breakfast, shared their commitment with the media, and ended up raising more money than any of us adults could have imagined. Their compassion inspired a wealthy businessman to donate his jet, pilot, and fuel to fly little Jeremy, the paramedics, and his parents to Mayo Clinic and back. The story of these young and powerful lifesavers even inspired a Hollywood celebrity to write an anonymous check to cover the expenses for his needed medical equipment upon his return.

A lot has happened since 2001.  Captain Steve became Team Kids’ Founding Board President.  Recently, he and I stood with the founding students and cheered as Jeremy graduated from the 6^th grade.   His leadership taught us an important lesson about the powerful influence public safety heroes have on our youngest citizens.  Captain Steve sparked the powerful partnership with police and fire fighters that exists at the core of the Team Kids’ mission and has empowered more than 56,000 passionate young leaders.   As a mentor, he taught me and others, an important lesson: community heroes can inspire every child to be a powerful leader.  All they need is an invitation.

Julie Hudash can be contacted at jhudash@teamkids.org

Taking Courage

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Taking Courage

GREG AITKENS
CFP
Financial Management Network Inc.

“Courage is the virtue of the spirit.”
Frank Lloyd Wright

I met Bob C. in a Christians in Commerce Challenge Weekend in March, 1986.  He was the small group leader for the sharing group I was part of on this retreat weekend.  I was new to CIC and Bob made everyone feel very welcomed.

On this retreat weekend Bob encouraged me greatly and introduced me to several other mature Christian men.  Bob’s efforts contributed greatly in me accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior while on this retreat.

About 10 years later our paths crossed again, which I consider very fortunate. We were both part of the 12 member governing Board of Christians in Commerce called the National Service Council.

As a means of “growing in the Lord together”, it was decided that we’d pick straws and “pair up” to go 2 x 2.  For us this meant “pairing up” with another member of the Service Council for regular communication together.  Bob and I were paired.  Bob lived in Phoenix, Arizona, so we began our weekly phone call at a mutually agreed upon time.

Bob was very knowledgeable about the Holy Scriptures.  He encouraged me to read, study and closely analyze Romans Chapter 8.  This New Testament chapter basically describes the absolute amazing love that God has for each one of us.  By understanding more about this love, we become more confident in life because we know our Lord is with us in everything we do, say or think.

Our relationship and friendship “grew in the Lord” in the time we spoke regularly.  In fact, we called each other “wingman”, meaning that no matter what, he’d have my back and I’d have his back.  We prayed for each other for specific outcomes with life’s challenges.  It’s amazing to me how many answers to these prayers have come to be fulfilled!

Our calls always ended with these 2 powerful words – “Take Courage”.  These words come from John 16: 33 where Jesus encourages us by stating…“The world is full of tribulation, but be of good cheer, I’ve overcome the world.”

Over the last few years, I’ve been placed in the mentoring role Bob had with me some 15 years ago.  I remember a lot about how to counsel, encourage and advise others by what Bob did with me back in 1996 and 1997.  A big part of it is just being a good listener like Bob!

Bob’s kind, loving counsel and mentorship came along at a crucial time for me.  It’s like God sent me an angel!  Many of the blessings I enjoy today started when my life got re-ordered under wise and loving friendship with Bob.

Greg Aitkens can be contacted at gaikens@fmncc.com

Lead with Love

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Lead with Love

KATHY GARDARIAN
President
CEO, Qualis International, Inc.

“Love in organizations, then, is the most potent source of power
we have available.”
Margaret Wheatley

A few years after starting my company, I was in Mumbai, India and visited a three story home where Mahatma Gandhi lived for fourteen years.  It is now a museum with interesting artifacts from important times in his life.  As I was leaving, I noticed an old recipe card tacked on the wall, handwritten by Gandhi, with these great words……Be Truthful, Be Gentle, Be Fearless!  When I applied these words to the business world, being fearless in certain situations was the most difficult for me!

I recall one male buyer in particular, from a major retail chain, who was so demanding to work with that I thought I would have to give up the account!  He loved to scream, yell, and always attempted to intimidate me during our meetings. Yet, he actually turned out to be the person who moved me to explore life’s major lesson…leading with love…fearlessly!

At the time I was a member of The World Business Academy, where CEO’s gather and support each other to grow in wisdom…and wisdom is different than knowledge!  Business is nothing more than a series of relationships, and I decided that within me was the power to transform every relationship I had, by learning how to lead with love.  We can become aware that beneath the surface crust of consciousness, we can see the authentic person! We can then respond with kindness, compassion and radical empathy!  People do business with people they like; and when there is space for more heart by placing the human spirit in the equation, the results are very rewarding, productive, and profitable!

In this unfolding 21^st century I do believe it is time for women to come into full partnership with men. A conscious sharing of life with others is discovered as we make decisions with the nobility of aligned interests where everyone is nurtured!  The canvas for this exploration is society itself to be encountered as we honor diversity.

A major part of everyone’s life path is to learn how to be more loving.  It allows us to unlock the potential we are all holding, and it is critical to the unfolding of our own truth!

“Love doesn’t  just sit like a stone; it has to be made like bread,
remade all the time, made new to us.”
Ursula Le Guin

This week’s article was contributed by Kathy Gardarian.
kathyg@qualisintl.com

The Muse for an Ethical Life

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The Muse for an Ethical Life

JEFF BLACK
Partner
McDermott & Bull Executive Search

“The most powerful moral influence is example.”
Huston Smith

As with all of us, there are many people who have served as brilliant mentors for me throughout my life.  However, in the context of The Ethical Edge community and the wonderful inspiration and clarity I have gained from knowing Russ Williams for many years, it was easy for me to select the person who came my way and inspired me to work on ethics in my life.

I spent 20+ years as a corporate guy and after a dozen or so of these years, I had the chance to start working with a truly great man who would influence the rest of my life more than he realized.  Capt. Edward C. Whelan Jr. was in his second career, after serving our country as a Captain in the U. S. Navy which included command of naval vessels during two tours of duty in Vietnam.

Ed knew so many things that I have never even imagined – he is the kind of person I have always wished I could be – comfortable in his own skin, fully present, balanced, and most important, real.

I, on the other hand, seemed to be engaged in a constant struggle during those days I worked with Ed.  I was not comfortable enough with myself to be present or real, and the lack of trust in many relationships in my working life reflected this truth.  Ed used to say to me: “why do you talk about how to spin a message or a situation?”  He genuinely didn’t understand why I could not just focus on the reality and truth of each situation.  It seemed so natural to him, while his idea seemed so old fashioned to me.

Sometimes, when a wise mentor influences someone, the effect can be delayed a long while.  That is what happened to me.  Ed shared many significant ideas with me in the early-mid 1990’s, but I remained stuck in my self-confined  paradigm even after leaving the corporate world and joining McDermott & Bull Executive search in 2003.  However, what I now understand, Ed’s words and presence never really left me.

My life has changed drastically for the better over the last 10 years.  It is filled so wonderfully with example after example of ethical and true people who have inspired me.

As  I look back on the guidance that Ed offered me, I realize he must have  been with me in spirit every step of the way.  I can’t wait to share this message with Ed Whelan, my ethical muse.

This week’s article was contributed by Jeff Black.
Black@mbsearch.net

Preaching Often – Words Not Necessary

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Preaching Often – Words Not Necessary

 IAIN JONES
Director
International HR Consulting and M&A Services

“Preach the gospel, and if necessary, use words.”
St. Francis of Assisi

I began working at World of Maths when I was 18 as a first-year college student in South Africa.  I had just received my driving license and was missing working, having given up a high school job at the local supermarket to begin college.  World of Maths provided me the opportunity to work with high end, in-home math tutoring to students all around Johannesburg.

Just over a year later, I was about to begin my final year of Actuarial Science and Statistics Studies. This class was considered the hardest course on campus and free time was at a premium. At that very same time, my manager, Hugo Mendes, asked whether I’d become the manager of one of the two branches of World of Maths.  In addition to my studies and teaching, I would now be tasked with everything from new business, new tutor applications, weekly meetings with all 19 tutors plus administrivia.  I accepted the position.

Two months in, I was overwhelmed.  Five days a week I had classes until 3pm before hitting the office to work until 8pm, followed by college homework. Saturdays were split… half at work and half in study. Sundays were study-only days. There was simply no down time. I knew I was failing my first Real Life test and it was sending me into panic!

As I was spiraling down, Hugo never wavered in his love for me. He sat me down to explore how I felt. He asked me what could be done to support me. He pushed me to come up with new ways to solve the issue of managing my life challenges. I didn’t quit.

As the year went on, Hugo stepped with me into every challenge. When I messed up, he was gracious, yet a Truth-Teller. When I clumsily quoted music lyrics in a note to express my frustrations, he insisted on a meeting with me to work it through. Nothing passed unnoticed with Hugo’s graceful attention.  Somehow, his accompanying guidance was the difference-maker for me.

It’s no coincidence that Hugo was the one I called when I had my first date with the woman who became my wife.  He was the one who got me ready with roses and champagne!

The night my sister died, I called Hugo…and I would call him again.  Each time Hugo insisted on face-to-face meetings to help me move through today’s turbulence. While he was a solid Christ-follower, he never preached down to me.  I was an atheist at that time.

I left South Africa in 1999. Today in 2013 Hugo remains a close friend. He continues to lead and inspire me in the same nurturing, yet directive way.  May I preach half as well as he does… with many actions and few words.

This week’s article was contributed by Iain Jones. He writes in his private capacity.
iainjonester@gmail.com
949.981.5205

Rite of Mentoring

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Rite of Mentoring

TOM ZENDER
Executive, Author, Mentor

“A leader is best when people barely know he exists,
when his work is done, his aim fulfilled, they will say:
We did it ourselves.”
Lao Tzu

Ken was a manager at General Electric when he hired me to work as a computer engineer. I was 22 and had not experienced a mentor outside of my family and teachers. He undertook mentoring me from both a business and a personal perspective. He asked important questions and was a focused listener. Without ever demanding, but always suggesting, he guided my professional career. My career launched quickly and I was soon managing others. He shared his professional network with me and introduced me to other leaders.

He also offered suggestions for my personal life such as marriage, buying my first home, raising children, and finances. Ken was a true mentoring leader and took no credit for my successes – he humbly allowed me to stand on my own. He drew the best out of me and I am forever grateful for his indelible, positive affect in my life.

Ken also taught me how to mentor others. This became increasingly valuable with the many people who worked for me in different organizations throughout my career. I was equipped to be a good resource for them.

One of my mentees was a young man named Frank. He reported to me as a program manager when I was a senior vice president in a Fortune 500 corporation. Frank was particularly inquisitive and often asked for direction in his career.

My mentoring included asking him penetrating questions and then listening deeply to his concerns and ideas. I would offer him suggestions, ask him to reflect upon them, and more often than not he would adopt some of them.

Frank succeeded well in that company and was eventually promoted into a leadership role in that company, and in several other companies. In the same timeframe, he was challenged with a painful divorce. Considering my earlier, similar experience I could relate to his situation and offered my guidance. I took a personal interest in his life. We both ultimately left that company and moved our separate directions.

For many years afterward, Frank would call me for my counsel in his career in other corporations. I was able to help him with my network of professionals, my advice based upon my own experiences, and my interest in his career. I was gratified when Frank later told me how much I had added to his professional and personal successes.

“What goes around, comes around” has been true about mentoring in my life, both receiving it and giving it, and I am grateful.

This week’s article was contributed by Tom Zender
tom@tomzendermentor.com

My Journey with Family Business

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My Journey with Family Business

RACHEL OWENS
President
SUCCESSION STRATEGIES, INC.

“It is not enough to be busy; so are the ants.
The question is: what are we busy about?”
Henry David Thoreau

In 1993 I was a fledgling insurance broker.  I had no real focus to my practice.  While I had good and useful products to sell such as life, health and disability insurance, I had no sense of mission.

Then, I heard a presentation by Dr. Craig Aranoff, Professor of Business at Kennesaw State University, on his research into family business dynamics. His research showed that family businesses are unique.  They face problems and issues that are more complicated than most because family values and business values are often at odds. Dr. Aranoff commented, “the challenge for a family business is to straddle the needs to preserve the family and to run a profitable business.  Being too focused on one side or the other either creates great families and bankrupt businesses or great businesses and bankrupt families!” As a direct result of these conflicts and issues, there is a very low success rate in sustaining a family business over multiple generations.

His research concluded that over 70% of businesses fail to remain in the family after the death of the founder and only 10% remain in the family by the third generation.  This is a loss to both the family and the community since family owned businesses are a major source of new jobs and often are vitally active in the communities they serve. Dr. Aranoff’s message was that competent  advisors are uniquely positioned to assist family business owners to keep the business within the family.  Bingo…it was my moment for mission!

His message inspired me to focus my practice on helping family businesses with their succession planning.  As a result, I wrote the business plan to help start the Family Business Council at Cal State Fullerton, which was established in 1994. In 2000 I started Succession Strategies, Inc. with my partner Bill Sornstein.  It is a business consulting firm dedicated to helping family businesses take the necessary step to ensure that the next generation is able and willing to step into the shoes of the founders.

This focus has been the guiding force to my business practice since that time.  Helping family businesses manage the transfer of management and ownership from one generation to the next has become my fulfilling mission.  Because I deeply listened to Dr. Aranoff’s message, my professional work moved from a product-centric practice into a quest to help our clients perpetuate their businesses for the good of both their families, employees and the larger community.  It has been an incredibly rewarding 20-year journey.

This week’s article was contributed by Rachel Owens
www.succession-strategies.com/
rachel@succession-strategies.com